Monday, December 1, 2014

|| k.O.s.o.N.g ||

It's been too long to blog nowadays...

Dun think I'm the old Nonie...the happy go lucky person, full of sense of humour friend, the mulut laser sister, the hot tempered elder sister  n so on...Too much bitter memories for the past few months...Ayahanda pass away last Oct... Regardless how much trying to blame the doctor and hospital, cannot resist the instinct that Qada n Qadar Allah have their own hikmah.., Might be Smiling and Laughing, Might be showing a happy and creepy faces, Might be glowing and shining on certain days, but... it does feel EMPTY... like KOSONG...

Maybe Allah cuba nak tanam He's there.. doa, ngadu, menangis, ketawa, bercerita dengan Dia.. part of the heart know all that.. but still, part of the evil qarin just let the depression took over...attend the life usually currently.. but deep down inside the heart... again.. it's EMPTY.... KOSONG...

Certain period, crying like hell, certain time, laughing like no tomorrow, part of the day, can be actively positive, but usual most day a bit cranky n negative... dunno... dunno how to let the rational mind take over and say, Hey~ Allah is there- Go and Talk to him...not blaming Him actually as He's the Lord, but thinking of how I am uselessly manage the time well....so, it's EMPTY... KOSONG...

There's time, like to yell and scream loudly... n going somewhere alone and cry until I drop...like seriously, it's  EMPTY... n KOSONG...

Haven't submit a journal correction and proceeding paper which is important n the dateline already past. No longer feeling the obligation as a post graduate student, solemnly do the forbid things... the sin manners n so on  coz it's naturally feels EMPTY...KOSONG...

Post lots of happy moment on Ig, but hell, it hurt.. it hurt that much for missing him n not being able to do anything... which actually the best thing to do  was pray for him n stay connected to Allah Taala. to get rid this EMPTY/ KOSONG feeling..

Moga Redho and dipermudahkan urusan ke Mekah next week... amin~

 


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